What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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