I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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