I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
