did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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