i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
