i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
