I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow