he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
