I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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