we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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