Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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