it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
