she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
did you just send me my own nude
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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