I queefed so loud it echoed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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