it's like iHOP with fire
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
