I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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