i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
