I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
