I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
