you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
