You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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