You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
