Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
