Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
