New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
