My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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