i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
