we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
