one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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