I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
