a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
