The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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