I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
