There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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