Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
