I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
