why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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