Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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