I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
