super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
