Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
