youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
