does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
