i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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