You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
