I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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