I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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