I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
