It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
