Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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