How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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