i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
