I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So apparently I’m into choking now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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