I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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