I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
