I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
