my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
