FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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