He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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