He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
