I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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