everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
