all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
