I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
