last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
