At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Where is the hickey?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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