i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he shaved USA in his pubs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize