It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
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What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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