you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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